If you have to be treated for cancer...

Guest Post - Ryan Smith

I know that Lindsey has been posting about my situation.  I gave my privacy away 16 years ago when we were married.  I figured I would give a brief first hand perspective on what I have been feeling over the past couple of weeks after being diagnosed.

I woke up after a routine procedure ordered by my GP to a doctor telling me that I had cancer. I was shocked, scared, and then angry in that order.  Shock and being scared I think are understandable. I was angry because this came at a time in which things were really going well at work and this cancer jeopardizes some opportunities frankly.  My kids are chugging away at school as Lindsey and I help them with homework.  Lindsey is pregnant and working on her editorial position.  All of this came to a head emotionally and I was frustrated and angry.

I recalled scriptural passages that night including "Trust in the Lord in all they ways"and "Do not rely upon the arm of the flesh".  Then I remembered a talk by Elder Scott in which he stated,

"When you face adversity, you can be led to ask many questions. Some serve a useful purpose; others do not. To ask, Why does this have to happen to me? Why do I have to suffer this, now? What have I done to cause this? will lead you into blind alleys. It really does no good to ask questions that reflect opposition to the will of God. Rather ask, What am I to do? What am I to learn from this experience? What am I to change? Whom am I to help? How can I remember my many blessings in times of trial? Willing sacrifice of deeply held personal desires in favor of the will of God is very hard to do. Yet, when you pray with real conviction, “Please let me know Thy will” and “May Thy will be done,” you are in the strongest position to receive the maximum help from your loving Father."

After a few crying and praying sessions with Lindsey and thanks to the prayers and fasting of loved ones, I have come to terms with where things are at right now.  I accept this trial and I hope to bear it with patience, humility and grace.  I have already learned much about myself through this experience and I will hopefully learn ten fold more.  I see this as a learning experience to be more compassionate, forbearing, loving, forgiving, and hardworking.  To let others do for me (hard lesson to learn).  I trust that God has a plan for all of us and that need to work and expect much of this life but be willing to let go when it does not go our way.

If one has to be treated for cancer, then there is no better place than the Huntsman Cancer Institute.  It is beautiful, large and well staffed.  I have already been treated by numerous doctors who are meeting weekly to review my case and continually plan for my future. I thank them for their care.  My parents have been a huge help and source of strength and I thank my siblings and relatives from afar.  My colleagues at the college have pitched in and covered classes during appointments.  Chemo and radiation will likely start a week from Monday and I think I have had my blood pressure taken too many times to count.  I am sure I won't even notice when this is near ending.

Thanks to all the neighbors who have brought over goodies or just come to give us a hug.  It is tough, but we are not alone and many have fought this fight before us.  We know we will overcome.  My wife, Lindsey Joy, has been with me every step and I love and appreciate her humor, smile and inspired questions to the doctors when I am just trying to process it all.  

Huntsman Cancer Institute at the University of Utah

HCI interior renderings and build out.  Architectural Nexus did a fine job.